I don’t speak at all. I just whisper in the ears of the people around me. I don’t say anything else at all. It just disappears.
One of your favorite pieces about your own childhood is about the “big mouths” — your family members who kept secrets and had a mean streak. What is a big mouth like and what does it mean to you?
The big mouths — especially my mom — will always give you bad news. She’ll lie to you about what’s happening. She’ll tell you that something’s wrong or that you don’t understand. There’s no real remorse or shame that would keep my mom from doing that.
“You always have to live with the memories you make. You can’t forget about what happened.”
“Big mouths” are people who’ll tell you and me what’s wrong, when we’re kids, or talk to each other about our own lives. They can be mean or they can be gentle. They can feel a lot of shame or they can be gentle. In my case, one of my mom’s big mouths is a mom-in-law. She doesn’t mean any harm by it, but my family doesn’t accept her bad mouth.
The one big mouth that I want to talk about is my big sister, Sharon. Sharon, the second and biggest of our five sisters, is the kind of person who makes you think you are going crazy when she’s with you.
She loves her family and she loves her sister. She’s strong-minded and she feels that she’s on top. What she doesn’t like about me are my problems and my attitude.
“You can never know how things will have to turn out. I am not your wife, your mother, or your wife. You always have to live with the memories you make. You can’t forget about what happened.”
She says that it’s always sad to see me like that and that it’s sad I don’t want a better friend. I want to help the person in need and it’s hurtful that I’m not one of those good people she could turn to.
“Sharon doesn’t like being told off by me. I know she knows what’s coming. Sometimes, Sharon makes me feel like I can’t be herself or even go to college in her family. She calls me names about myself — ‘You stupid little bitch, you’re the one that makes all the problems! You make everything
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